Him: It’s not you, it’s Me.

December 2012.
It was a month after I had my daughter and I was scrolling through Instagram that's how I met him again. I smiled as I browsed through his photos because he was no longer the boy we all saw around the way in high school but he had now grown into a man, which peaked my interest. I instantly hit follow and soon after that he hit me with a follow back and we begin sparking up conversation. One thing I knew is that I kept a low radar when it came to keeping in contact with others from high school because of the simple fact people act off of fake emotion. They pretend as though they are interested in where your life has gone and where it's headed but in reality they are not. But for a moment I was happy that someone was acknowledging me. I was broken and so was he, which was a lethal combination that should have never been mixed but it was too late to go back now.  

Jan 2013 - June 2013.
Back in December was the first time we met in person since high school and since it wasn't the ideal location (my parents home) we opted to meet again but this time with me visiting him at his house a few hours away. When I got there we chilled, talked, and expressed things that had built up and bothered us over time especially with our recent failed relationships the year prior and things only going further down hill for both of our situations now. 

This was the spark that I felt for him...the acknowledgment and that we could sit back relating to each other's issues with our children's parents. However, that wasn't where it stopped the sex was amazing and that's where the lines blurred with us. When people tell you sex complicates a thing that’s exactly what it did but yet I felt as though there was a spark there when in reality there was nothing there but a void we both were trying to fill. 

Eventually I grew out of the sexcapades and the need of this dysfunctional "friendship" as he called it when he brought an ex from high school into the picture as well. I felt bad for her because not only had he been playing with me and my emotions he would now be playing with her emotions for his own selfish reasons. Any man that can lay with me one week and then lay with her the next is not the man for her or me and after finding that out I pretty much cut off all communication with him.

Present
To this day we don't talk not even as friends, the history of our sexcapades and friendship ran its course and I moved on with my life. I was ready for a relationship with him in the fantasy world we lived in [that spark was the only thing that had me feeling different about this reality] but he kept feeding me the "I'm not ready" or "you are exactly the type of woman I need" but it all ended with "Its not you, it's me" or maybe I was making more of our situation than he ever was. 


He did move on just a few months later back at the end of 2013 with his new baby and now fiancé though, that's a big move for someone who was not ready.



Carla said...

I'm wondering if you are me in some sort of parallel universe. Honey, I have been there, more than I'd care to admit, but you live and you learn. I can say that much.

Situations like these are blessings in disguise.

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