This & That: Dating + 1.

Dating has never been easy for me and now that I am a mother it continues to get even more complicated as the years go on. The one problem I have is any man that I do begin growing interested in takes that as a sign that they can or will come before my daughter. I’ve never understood this logic but I’ve come across a few men who believe that I would just let them around my daughter at any given time just because he wants to see me or that I would try to get someone else to watch my daughter during out time together and go out on a potential date. All wrong. When dealing with me I let men know upfront I’m a full time mom and I work a full time job, I sometimes even let them know my schedule so they will understand when I’m free and when I’m not but I’m still open to communicating via phone even when I’m in full mom work mode. This is usually when I can tell a man is truly interested in me or not because he will pay attention to all the details of my life that I’m letting him in on and this is when I find out whether he’s worth keeping around or simply going on about my life. This may be the reason I am still single. There have been some men that have stuck around longer than a week or maybe even a month but I have not found that one and I am ok with that. These years that I have been in and out of the dating pool have taught me a lot about myself and what I accepted before my daughter and what I am willing to accept now.

The only rule I have is never put a man or woman before your child and never put your children in danger of being hurt or around someone that is unfamiliar, that’s the most scariest thing to me

Check out some more tips below that I try to follow:
1.    Don’t go out with just anyone. It’s ok to be selective. 
2.    Do try online dating. Social Media seems to be such a big trend lately  maybe a little online dating won’t hurt. 
3.    Don’t have expectations or timelines. This is one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make. 
4.    Do be honest and upfront. Always be honest as to what you are looking for and where you are at currently in your life. 
5.    Do keep an open mind and be flexible
6.    Don’t introduce him to your kids right away and don’t rush things. Take your time once you get your children involved there’s no coming back from that if things do not work out.


Him: It’s not you, it’s Me.

December 2012.
It was a month after I had my daughter and I was scrolling through Instagram that's how I met him again. I smiled as I browsed through his photos because he was no longer the boy we all saw around the way in high school but he had now grown into a man, which peaked my interest. I instantly hit follow and soon after that he hit me with a follow back and we begin sparking up conversation. One thing I knew is that I kept a low radar when it came to keeping in contact with others from high school because of the simple fact people act off of fake emotion. They pretend as though they are interested in where your life has gone and where it's headed but in reality they are not. But for a moment I was happy that someone was acknowledging me. I was broken and so was he, which was a lethal combination that should have never been mixed but it was too late to go back now.  

Jan 2013 - June 2013.
Back in December was the first time we met in person since high school and since it wasn't the ideal location (my parents home) we opted to meet again but this time with me visiting him at his house a few hours away. When I got there we chilled, talked, and expressed things that had built up and bothered us over time especially with our recent failed relationships the year prior and things only going further down hill for both of our situations now. 

This was the spark that I felt for him...the acknowledgment and that we could sit back relating to each other's issues with our children's parents. However, that wasn't where it stopped the sex was amazing and that's where the lines blurred with us. When people tell you sex complicates a thing that’s exactly what it did but yet I felt as though there was a spark there when in reality there was nothing there but a void we both were trying to fill. 

Eventually I grew out of the sexcapades and the need of this dysfunctional "friendship" as he called it when he brought an ex from high school into the picture as well. I felt bad for her because not only had he been playing with me and my emotions he would now be playing with her emotions for his own selfish reasons. Any man that can lay with me one week and then lay with her the next is not the man for her or me and after finding that out I pretty much cut off all communication with him.

To this day we don't talk not even as friends, the history of our sexcapades and friendship ran its course and I moved on with my life. I was ready for a relationship with him in the fantasy world we lived in [that spark was the only thing that had me feeling different about this reality] but he kept feeding me the "I'm not ready" or "you are exactly the type of woman I need" but it all ended with "Its not you, it's me" or maybe I was making more of our situation than he ever was. 

He did move on just a few months later back at the end of 2013 with his new baby and now fiancé though, that's a big move for someone who was not ready.

Music Spotlight : Kehlani

Sunday Motivation


2015 was an amazing year; I have accomplished a lot of goals that I set out for myself when I turned 18 years old. The main two was finding out what it is that I want to do in my life career wise and owning my own home by the time I hit 25 years old. Even though these things came when I turned 27 I am thankful that god has put my life in the position that it is in, because with him all things are possible. I love the woman and mother that I have grown into and I know this year will bring on many other blessings and I am prepared with open arms.

I pray that god continues to bless those around me, keep my family grounded and safe, and I hope everyone had a safe new year!

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